Anxiety Anxiety Anxiety. Really? Yep it’s a routine thing for many people. Me included! Something about starting a business and poverty that nurture it like a little pet pumpkin that will soon win the GIANT PUMPKIN CONTEST!

Approximately 15% of all of us will eventually experience a diagnosable anxiety disorder at some point in life. It’s that common. And according to the most recent numbers at the CDC, anxiety disorders alone account for $42.3 billion dollars annually. That’s a huge chunk of change! Most of this is racked up by anxious people who regularly run to their primary care provider and neighborhood ER, because they think that they are suffering from a non-psychiatric medical issue. But even though it’s normal, it really doesn’t make me feel any better. Right?

Refreshing Fear

Fear is not anxiety, and anxiety is not fear. However, they are similar mood states. Fear is all about the present. "I’m freaking out because I’m standing in front of 50 people." "I’m running scared because a pack of dogs is chasing me." All present tense. This serves a good purpose in many situations. For instance, we should all be afraid of parking on railroad tracks or walking near unprotected cliffs. I really wish my children were more afraid of busy streets. It would protect them, like our own fears - mostly protect us. There really isn’t anything more motivating than fear. I’ve performed magical feats of reading and writing when confronted with a deadline and imminent academic failure. Fear focuses us like nothing else!

The Future is Something to Worry About

I can’t exactly be afraid of what my boss is going say to me tomorrow, but I can worry about it and be anxious. The same thing goes for my own impending doom, your impending doom, and the end of the world. At this point it’s just something that we’ve all seen in a hundred movies and not our present reality. Remember, it’s all in the future. So when you worry about your health, your relationship, your lack of relationship, your soon to be ending career, or utter failure as a parent, you are living in the anxiety zone.

On the other hand, I’m sure we’ve all met that person, who could not be bothered by anything! Totally not anxious or scared about anything, and really not doing much either in the way of life goals, dreams, or aspirations. Which could be fine if that is all you want out of life, but I’m not one of those people, and if you are reading this, you’re likely not either. Again, anxiety often serves a protective and even motivating role. Some people have asked me, “Hey Jay, if you love therapy so much, why did you go get a PhD? You can do therapy with your MA.” Simple answer… anxiety. The fear that one day my master’s degree would not be enough.

That’s Why I’m an Advocate for Fear.

Rather than seek ways of eliminating fear and anxiety, we should find ways to use it as fuel, because it truly is one of the oldest ways we have of adapting. This is straight out of Darwin’s work on the HMS Beagle. It's survival of the fittest. Who is the fittest? Who is the most successful? Those who can accept and embrace their anxieties and fears!

Just Accept it. You’re Freaking Out.

I love love love this TED talk from Elizabeth Gilbert: Your Elusive Creative Genius. She speaks perfectly about fear, creativity, and success. Life as a human involves - and will forever involve - these two mood states (fear and anxiety). She describes a brilliant solution for managing and accepting her own anxiety. For her it’s about distance. 

Create mental space for your own anxieties, fear, and any other weaknesses. You can name them like I mentioned in Overcoming Depression: It's like climbing Mount Kilimanjaro, or write them down. Anything that makes them separate from yourself. The point here is to observe them, know them, and accept that they are just part of you, and things that will likely just be part of your life for a while. Also, and this is the kicker, just because something is a part of you, does not mean it has to remain a weakness to rival an everlasting and debilitating North Dakota winter. Instead, can you carry them with you knowing what they are? Better yet, can they help you get to where you dream of being?

Stop! You're Running the Wrong Way!

Whether it’s something we are going through currently that makes us afraid, or something in the future that has us worried, a huge chunk of us, run away from our fears. Our fight or flight system defaults to flight, because we don’t know what’s happening. It’s either an ambiguous situation, or a scenario that we doubt our own power to change, and so we freak. Because if we believed that we could do something about it, the percentage would be considerably different. A ton of us would choose to fight. Look at what happened on United Airlines Flight 93. When we understand the situation and feel that we can make a difference, it changes the situation. So we should choose to run the other way. Nelson Mandela said,

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”

I love those words, “he who conquers.” So do it. Write them down. Once you have your list, rank them and see which one you can run towards first. When you are able to master one of your fears/anxieties, having accepted it, move on to the next. I know that if you do, you will begin to conquer not only your fears, but your life.

Need five concrete steps to reduce your anxiety? Check out my other article Fighting Back: Fear and Anxiety.